Am I Christian?This query of whether I am Christian has been circulating in the back of my mind for the last 10 years. I was brought up in the United Church of Canada, as a Christian. As a little girl I attended church every week, getting certificates and buttons for my Sunday School attendance. It seemed ridiculous to me when my mother mentioned that our Catholic friends didn't think that non-Catholics would make it to heaven! I was involved in the choir and the CGIT (Canadian Girls in Training) As I grew older I felt my mother's subtle pressure for me to attend church and Sunday School, which elicited feelings of guilt in me if I didn't attend. My attendance at church dwindled through my university years, but resumed when I began to have my family and we baptized both of our babies. Church wasn't the easiest place for my son who was quite fussy, but I met a number of lovely people and families at the United Church that was connected to our university population. I remember that when my children were little I even participated briefly as teacher in the Sunday School and as an Elder in the church. My husband was a little less involved than me, and his background was less oriented to church attendance. At this time I was also becoming more acquainted with anthroposophy and Waldorf education. As my time became more valuable to me I realized that I derived much more spiritual rejuvenation from my study of anthroposopy and working with the Waldorf curriculum and school community. At that time I was consciously aware that the sermon references to sin were not uplifting for me. It was very easy for me to choose between the two of them. As I grew to appreciate the Waldorf community I found out that some of them participated in a Christian Church Community that embraced the anthroposophical understandings that acknowledged the pivotal importance of the life of Jesus Christ in man's evolving consciousness within a framework that included re-incarnation. In these early years, I decided to take the United Church minister's class in Faith Inquiry and this led me to exploring my new broader understandings in the conventional Christian doctrine. In our class of about 6 or 8 students I was one of two students who distilled my faith to words and professed it publicly. I worked really hard to come up with something that I truly believed and that would also be acceptable within the United Church audience, the intersection of two convex circles. Here are the words that I spoke: " I affirm my belief in God, Maker and Guardian of all things and in Jesus Christ, whom God sent to the people of earth to show us God's way by Jesus' example of justice, forgiveness and love. I believe that the source of love is divine and I seek to understand and develop that part of me. I strive to feel the divine oneness that unites us with all people and all living things including the earth. And I ask God's help that I will act freely with compassion and kindness and that I may know and follow God's will for me. What a powerful experience this proved to be for me. In doing this public affirmation of faith, I released a very sore and swollen throat that had been hanging on for many weeks. In fact, I had an appointment to see a specialist. When it suddenly disappeared right after my speech, I believed that a little miracle had occurred. Although I didn't realize at the time, that was my good-bye to my local church, as I grew further and further away from identifying with the United Church, yet I retained my Christian identity. Over time the minister led his congregation with a high level of social consciousness to rebuild the deteriorating church building into a combination church meeting area and assisted living residence and center for the elderly -- a very unique solution to declining resources. My Mom and Dad continued their strong allegiance to their church and my brother participated in giving lay sermons in his church community. For years he considered pursuing his formal seminary qualifications but didn't follow through for one reason or another. Through those years my brother made the comment to me several times that he sensed my deep spiritual connection that expressed itself daily rather than just on Sundays. This was largely due to the influence of my studies in anthroposophy and Waldorf education which incorporated lovely blessings, prayers, verses and songs into our daily routines. After being introduced to the Akasha Mystery School I gradually became more and more involved with the discourses that seemed so relevant and current for me compared to anthroposophy and even Waldorf philosophy. I was also facilitating home schooling and I noticed that the Christian community of teachers and parents seemed to have restricted perspectives compared to me. As a representative of Waldorf Education some of the Christian parents were unsure about my affiliation with Waldorf Education. I felt like I had to hide my viewpoints from mainstream families. I could only share my view with a few. My identity as a Christian began to wane, until I almost no longer considered myself Christian. Yet the paradox of it is that my relationship with the Ascended Masters, Jesus Christ and Mother Mary, among others, was growing stronger. I had gained an understanding of their lives that is part of a higher knowledge. My spiritual devotion was increasing. Now I ask, "AM I still Christian? Well, I don't really feel as much honour to be Christian in knowing that so much of the critical higher knowledge has been hidden and suppressed by early Christians. Do I even want to call myself Christian anymore when people fight wars and terrorism in the name of Christianity? Am I still Christian, even though my beliefs are so expanded and I honor the Angels, Archangels and many Ascended Masters, and I believe that Man was made in the image of God, and is a God being. In fact, recently I have started wearing the cross -- a great and powerful symbol of Christ and Love. Yet it's through the knowledge of the Akasha Mystery School bringing me to this understanding. It's time to rise up out of the Crucifixion Consciousness into the Resurrection Consciousness which is the real focus that the Lord Jesus wants for us and what the world needs now. Let go of the sin and suffering. It time to lift ourselves up out of that old paradigm. Am I Christian? Well, maybe it doesn't matter, especially since Christians have been arguing and divided in their doctrine for years and years, as evidenced by the denominations. It depends on who you talk to. Really it's never changed even when I fully identified with the label. Why bother judging now? Am I Christ loving? Yes!
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